Robin and the Ninja
by The Tiny Dangerous One
Summary: Three friends get plunged into the world of Robin Hood. Chaos insues. Not to really be taken seriously. Read and review! Robinxoc, Tuckxoc, Foolxoc.
1. Chapter 1

"Come on you guys! We're going to be late!" the tiny blonde girl danced ahead of her two companions.

"We're not going to be late Katie," the brunette behind her sighed.

"Whatever, Mary. I wanna make sure we get there on time."

"Only because you need to check in all of your ninja weapons." the third girl replied.

"I need to make sure I'm prepared in the event of a crisis!" Katie pouted.

"By bringing along half of your arsenal?" Mary asked.

"Yes,"

The three friends were headed to the docks of Portsmouth, New Hampshire. They had saved up their spare change in college to pay for a trip to Holy Land in honor of their favorite BBC show, Robin Hood.

"I don't like this idea, guys." Kali said. "Ships are really dangerous."

"That's why I have my ninja weapons with me." Katie said matter-of-factly.

"You think your ninja weapons are going to help on a ship?" Mary asked.

"Yes, yes I do."

When they finally arrived at the docks, Mary and Kali went ahead and boarded the ship while Katie stayed behind to check in all of her weapons. They consisted of:

two katanas,

three daggers,

two dozen kunai,

three dozen shuiken,

fifty pins,

one poison needle,

a chigiriki,

a pair of ashiko,

short bow with quiver,

a set of niko-te,

two nunchucks,

five tanto,

two iron fans,

a bag of black powder,

and a utility belt.

"Get everything checked in?" Kali asked when Katie entered their room an hour and a half later.

"Uh, huh," the blonde replied.

"So what do we do now?" Mary asked.

"Go exploring of course!" was Katie's reply.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Kali said. "I think we should stay here until the trip is over."

"Where's the fun in that?" Katie asked, bouncing out of the room.

"I'll come with you," Mary said. "You're going to get lost."

Five minutes later, Katie knelt in front of a locked door, picking away on the lock.

"Didn't you check in all of your stuff in?" Mary asked.

"I never go anywhere without my lock pick set. I'd feel naked."

"Uh huh."

"Open!" Katie cried happily.

The door swung open to reveal a room full buttons, switches, and blinking lights. Katie let out a squeal of joy and skipped into the room.

"_Don't_ touch anything," Mary warned.

An "oops" came from the girl in the room.

"I already pushed one," she replied sheepishly.

Suddenly, the shrill sound of sirens cut through the air, followed by flashing red warning lights.

"God damn it, Katie. What did you do?"

"I think I sunk the ship."


	2. Chapter 2

Katie woke slowly, her head throbbing. She sat up, shielding her eyes from the harsh sun. Wait, sun? Looking around, she saw Mary and Kali nearby, coming to as well. They were lying on the ground, in the middle of what appeared to be a very large forest. Upon closer inspection, Katie found that all of her weapons were either securely in her utility belt or safely hidden on her person.

"Were are we?" Kali groaned, finally sitting up.

"In a forest," Katie replied.

"Really? Couldn't tell that from the trees everywhere," Mary replied sarcastically.

Before any of them could say anymore, they heard hoof beats in the distance. The three girls became very still as the sound got closer and closer. When the riders approached, Katie took note of their features. One of them was short, somewhat fat, and obviously balding. The second was taller, and younger with more pointed features.

"What are you three heathens doing in Sherwood Forest?" the older one spoke.

"Sherwood Forest?" Mary asked, perplexed.

"So are you the Sheriff of Nottingham?" Katie asked.

"Yes, I am," the sheriff said importantly.

"So you're Guy of Gisborne?"

The other man nodded. He seemed slightly nervous that these girls knew so much about them. He was snapped out of his thoughts when the blonde one spoke again.

"You two should just get it on already," she sighed. "The sexual tension is killing me!"

There were long seconds of painful silence as the sheriff fumed. Mary and Kali tried to hide their laughter at their friend's bluntness as the man on the horse turned red.

"Arrest them!" he squeaked.

* * *

"Does anyone have anything to do?" Kali whined.

"Talk to Katie," Mary suggested. "She's the one who got us arrested."

The blonde sighed and pulled out a pack of playing cards.

"Where do you put all this stuff?" Mary asked.

"Ninja skills, that's all you kneed to know."

"What do you want to play?" Kali asked.

"War!" the ninja chirped happily.

"You are obsessed with that game," Mary sighed.

Katie shrugged.

"We could play Spoons," Kali suggested.

"I don't have any on me,"

"Umm, poker?"

"Sure,"

Mary opted not to play, instead watching the other two duel it out via playing cards. It had been three hours since the start of the game. Mary had borrowed one of Katie's Swiss Army knives (which she didn't check in either) to tally up their wins. So far, in three hours Katie had won most of the games.

"Ok, call," Kali said.

The two turned over their cards. Kali looked at her hand, then at Katie's.

"Fucking cock sucker!" she swore.

"Hey! I'm just trying to save you!" a new voice came from the other side of the cell door.

"Who are you?"Kali asked.

"I am Robin Hood. And this is a rescue."

There was a moment of silence while the three girls stared at their rescuer.

"We were getting around to it," Katie said in a matter of fact voice.

"And how are you planning to break out of the sheriff's dungeon, and escape from a castle surrounded by guards?" Robin asked..

"We'll think of something," Mary said.

"I'm a ninja. I'll figure something out." Katie said.

"Ninja?"Robin asked.

There wasn't time for Katie to explain as they heard guards come racing down the stairs. Kali packed up the cards as Katie and Mary stood up.

"There's no way out now," Robin growled.

"Pessimist." Katie replied, rolling her eyes.

"Well what do you suggest?" he shot back, growing irritated.

"This," was her reply as she took a round house kick to the cell door which brought it down.

Robin's eyes grew wide with surprise as he looked at the tiny blonde woman who could kick down metal cell doors. Kate simply shrugged at him as the girls ran out of the cell.

"Give me two seconds to pick up my weapons," Katie said as she ran towards a table laden with all of her gear.

"Is this all yours?" Robin asked, coming up behind her.

"Yup," was her reply.

"Guards!" Kali yelled from the stairs.

Katie quickly whipped out her shuiken and flung them at the guards. They hit their targets and the group was able to make their escape up the stairs, Katie paused to pull her weapons out of the dead guards. They were able to make their way out of the castle without much trouble.

"Who are these people?" Much asked as Robin walked into the camp with the three girls following him.

"This is Katie, Kali, and Mary," he introduced them as they waved.

"That's nice, but why are they here?" Little John asked.

"The sheriff had them locked them up in the dungeon. They have nowhere else to go," their leader explained.

"I think they should stay," Djaq suggested.

"Why?" Will asked her.

The Saracen shrugged. "I think we could use some more women in the group."

"Good. Looks like we're staying," Katie said.


	3. Chapter 3

"I will paw you like a cat until you give me more food," Katie said to Much.

"I will not!" the older man said indigently.

"But I'm hungry!"

"You just ate an hour ago!" Little John growled.

Katie attempted to melt him with her best puppy-dog look. Little John just grunted and turned away.

"Does she really eat every hour?" Robin asked Mary.

"Pretty much," was her reply.

It was at this point that Kali and Tuck decided to re-enter the camp.

"Where have you two been?" Katie asked suggestively.

"Gathering honey," was the Friar's reply.

"And did you eat it all on the way back?" Robin asked, a laugh in his voice.

"I think they were having sex in the forest," Katie said.

"Must you always speak your mind?" Much cried while Djaq laughed.

"You got a problem with it?" Katie challenged.

"All right, no more fighting," Robin chuckled. He walked in-between the two quarrelers, letting his hand linger on the tiny blonde a moment longer than could be considered friendly.

Much turned to Will in disgust.

"I can't believe it," he grumbled. "They've only been here a week and she's already trying to seduce Robin."

"I don't know how much seduction is actually going on," Djaq chuckled from behind her husband.

Before anyone had a chance to comment on this new revelation, they heard the sound of wood hitting wood, and women squealing.

"What's happening?" Allen asked, running out of the camp to see what all the commotion was about.

Apparently, Mary and Katie had picked up two large sticks and were fighting with them. Mary was winning. Mainly because Katie was being more dramatic than serious. They were swinging the sticks back and forth with out any real intent of hitting each other.

"They're going to hear you all the way to Nottingham!" Much whined.

"I need to teach you girls how to fight," Robin chuckled, walking over to them.

"He's laughing!" Much whispered in distress. "Why does he always laugh when he talks to her?!"

"Well, she is very amusing," Djaq said.

"And you always defend her!"

"Would you all shut up?" Little John mumbled.

"NO!" Katie shouted, earning a jab in the stomach from Mary for her lack of attentiveness.

"Come now," Robin teased. "It's time for your first lesson."

Since Katie was the closest, he lunged for her. She somehow managed to block his first jab, but his second caught her in the stomach. She let out a squeal.

"That's a good way to get you killed," Robin chided.

"Pick on Mary!" Katie cried. "I've already got enough bruises! I'm gonna look like an abused child!"

John scoffed.

"When they ask I'm gonna tell them you did it!" Katie shouted at him, causing the rest of the outlaws to laugh.

"What's going on here?" the new female voice caused every one to turn.

"Marian," Robin said in surprise. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"Well I came to give you some news on the sheriff. But since you're too busy babysitting-"

"Excuse me?" Katie said, her voice taking on a sharp edge.

"Well you are _play_ fighting with sticks in the forest," was the brunette's reply.

"Bitch, please," Katie growled, unsheathing one of her katana seemingly from no where.

"Where the hell did _that_ come from?" Allen asked.

"Don't ask," Mary and Kali replied at the same time.

"Now that's enough," Robin demanded stepping between the two women.

"I wasn't going to do anything," Katie pouted, sheathing the sword and walking off into the forest.

"Sorry about that, Marian," Robin apologized. "She's a bit wild."

"A little?"the brunette spat venomously.


	4. Chapter 4

Katie fumed all the way to Nottingham. It was true, she was a tad dramatic, but there was no way she was going to let some pampered palace girl insult her like that. She was a ninja for crying out loud. She probably knew more ways to kill a man than that woman could count. She could probably only count to ten anyway. To her endless luck and pleasure, she happened upon Sir Guy on her way into the town.

"Wait a minute," he ordered, grabbing her just above the elbow.

"Only one," the tiny ninja growled in reply.

"Aren't you in Robin Hood's gang?"

"Not anymore,"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm pissed at him that's why!"

Guy started at the tone of her voice, then he had an idea.

"Would you like a job?" he asked.

* * *

"I can't find her anywhere," Robin sighed, walking back into camp.

It had been almost three hours since Katie had stormed off and noone was able to find here anywhere.

"It's your fault," Djaq replied, repeating what Kali had been saying since her friend left.

"How is it _my_ fault?" he cried.

"You pissed her off," Mary said, plainly.

"Guys! Guys!"

Everyone in the camp stopped and turned as Allen came running into the camp.

"I just saw Katie!"

"Where?" Robin asked.

The whole gang gathered around Allen, eager to hear the news about one of their newest members.

"She's in the castle. I think she joined the sheriff," he panted.

"What? Are you sure?" Robin asked, starting to get a little frightened.

"I saw her walking around with Gisborne."

Robin swore under his breath.

"I repeat, this is your fault," Kali said.

"I have to go see her," Robin said, running off.

"What's all that about?" Much asked.

"It's called love, Much," Djaq explained.

* * *

Something woke Katie up in the middle of the night. Without giving any indication that she was awake, she reached for the dagger under her pillow. She lay listening to the sound of the footsteps growing closer and closer. She listened as they reached the side of her bed. Whoever it was sat at the edge of her bed. With out warning, she shot up, pinning the intruder to the bed. It was then she got a good look at him.

"Right where I like you," she smirked.

"How are you so fast?" Robin wheezed.

"Years of training, love."

Katie sat up released Robin's wrists, allowing him to sit up, but still straddling his lap.

"Can I get up?" he asked, but not really meaning it.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"I want to know why you're working for the sheriff now,"

"I'm really spying for you," Katie replied in her best cute voice.

"Any why am I supposed to believe that?"

"Because I can get you something more valuable than gold,"

"And that is?" Robin asked, leaning back as Katie leaned forward.

"The blueprints of the castle, love,"

"Would you stop calling me that?"

Katie pouted.

"And further more," Robin continued. "I don't believe you."

"Well how can I prove it to you?"

"You can get off me for a start."

Katie sighed and got off the outlaw who quickly relocated to the end of the bed far away from the tiny blonde.

"I'll have it to you by tomorrow," she said, suddenly all-business.

"It's a deal then."

* * *

"Everything seems so much quieter without Katie around," Djaq said around the campfire that night.

"Well I say good riddance," Much said.

"Fuck you," Kali said.

"What does that mean?" Will asked.

"It means I want to take-"

Mary slapped her hand over her friend's mouth before she could continue.

"It's an insult," she explained as Robin returned to the camp.

"Well?" Tuck asked.

"She claims she's spying on the sheriff for us," Robin sighed, sitting down by the fire.

"That makes sense," Kali said.

"Yea. Katie loves spying on people," Mary added.

"That's . . . just a little weird," Robin said.

Mary shrugged.

Katie woke the next morning to a knock on her door.

"Go away!" she yelled.

"My lady," Guy's voice came from the other side. "The sheriff wants to see you."

"Tell him he can wait."

"With all due respect, he said to drag you out of bed."

"Balls," Katie mumbled.

"You wished to see me?" she asked, ten minutes later.

The sheriff sat in his giant chair in the great hall.

"From now on, you will address me as 'my lord,'" he commanded.

"Yea, I don't think so."

The sheriff stared at her a moment, trying to decide if she was serious. Katie merely stared back.

"I have a job for you,"


End file.
